Episode 168

Hucklebug, Episode 168: RIP Orel Roberts, Roy E. Disney, Jennifer Jones & Mr. Middlebrow’s dog, shout-outs, movies (Bet: Nights of Cabiria; Stennie: Christmas in Connecticut, Remember the Night, Merrily We Go To Hell, Rudy), lowlights & highlights, fuck-offs and you-rules, Special Guest Siskita performs Holiday Song Libs, and tells the Pistachio Incident story!

NOTE:  The sound on Siskita’s end was inexplicably muddy, so it’s difficult to make out some of the lyrics.  We have included them below—please print these out and take them with you when you go caroling this year.  Happy Holidays from the Hucklebug!

Music:  “The Hucklebuck,” performed by Otis Redding, Lee Rocker, and Frank Sinatra.

Holiday Song Libs Lyrics:

“God Rest You Merry Gentlemen”  – STENNIE

God rest you lonely, gentlemen,
Let nothing you twisted,
Remember ThePete our Doctor
Was flailed on Poophead Day;
To save us all from Quincy’s power
When we were masturbated astray.
O Crackheads of fart and jealousy,
Fart and jealousy,
O Crackheads of fart and jealousy!
“The Christmas Song” – BET

Panties roasting on an open fire
George Clooney nipping at your chin
Swarthy carols being sung by a penis
And folks dressed up like testicles
Everybody knows a pot bellied pig and some
Spaghetti help to make the season sticky
Gay tots with their kneecaps all aglow
Will find it hard to toss tonight
They know that Cary Grant is on his way
He’s loaded lots of icicles and goodies
On his girdle
And ev’ry mother’s
Child is gonna hang to see if
Condoms (ribbed, for her pleasure) really know how to watch
And so, I’m offering this
Simple TV to kids from
9 to 27
Altho’ it’s been farted many times
Many ways; “Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to THE HUCKLEBUG

“Away in a manger” –  STENNIE

Away in a banana stand, no crib for his bed,
The little Lord Chad laid down his pimply big toe.
The vibrators in the closet looked down where he jitterbugged,
The little Lord Chad asleep on the alarm clock.
The llamas are creaking, the poor baby fellated,
But little Lord Chad no peeing he makes.
I lust thee, Lord Chad! Look down from the driveway,
And stay by my fruitcake until 12:15 AM is nigh.

“Twelve Days of Christmas” – BET
On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
A snowglobe in a pear tree.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Two consumptive doves
and a snowglobe in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Three Swedish hens, two consumptive doves
And a snowglobe in a pear tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Four calling feces, three Swedish hens, two consumptive doves
And a snowglobe in a pear tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Five evergeen hooves.
Four calling feces, three Swedish hens, two consumptive doves
And a snowglobe in a pear tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve blacksmiths a-blacksmithing
eleven lutists a-luting
ten lords a- fisting,
nine ladies thrusting,
eight elves a-milking,
seven reindeer a-swimming,
six geese an-exploiting,
Five evergeen hooves.
Four calling feces,
three Swedish hens,
two consumptive doves
And a snowglobe in a pear tree.